Letting Go: Danny Gokey American Idol

Author: Dr. Nicole Sundene

Last week on American Idol, many of us assumed it would be Danny vs Adam in the final showdown, until he was eliminated in a sudden and heart wrenching moment.

Tonight on American Idol we finally determine the Idol of season eight! Will it be Adam or will it be Kris?

I had been rooting for Danny since his very first audition, there was something undeniabably special about him….but it was a tough season.

Probably the best American Idol has ever had, and the Kindergarten Teacher inside of me wants to announce everyone as a winner!

I wasn’t just voting for youth pastor Danny because of his amazing voice, but because of his perseverance. His wife had died suddenly of congestive heart failure a month before the competition started; “Tragedy turned in to Triumph,” as Danny refers to it.

A friend passed along the information for the foundation created for Danny’s wife, Sophia’sHeart.org, and thought it would make for good kitchen table talk. She recommended reading his blog post telling how he was managing to cope with the severe depression brought on by the sudden death of his wife weeks before one of America’s biggest competitions.

“I felt like I had to put on a face for everybody to cover what was really going on inside. Deep down inside, I felt there was not hope for me and I really wanted to die. If I had not dealt with this, it probably could have somehow or someway took me out. So, I began pray and cry out to God for help and I believe I found the answer.

The answer I found was exactly this; “let go” or “cause yourself to let go”. I admit that answer was not appealing to me because I found no justice in it, and most of all it didn’t instantly remove any pain. But I knew that if I continued down this road it would have a price that I could never afford to pay.

You see, the cost of hanging on to the bitterness and anger was actually much greater than the cost of simply letting go. I was very reluctant to do it. At times it was hard and I literally had to cause myself (force myself) to let go. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting about Sophia but does mean releasing the toxic emotions tied to the situation.”

I have a lot of admiration for someone who can pick themselves up and go on, anyone going through troubled times should take a few minutes to read the insightful blog post on his battle with depression and “letting go” of his wife’s unexpected death. So many of us hold on to everything….we carry around all this baggage from our past and our childhood.

I talk to patients that have been in counseling for years and they sit down and tell me everything that is wrong with them, they bring all these “labels” with them, they blame it all on their parents, or their molester, or their rapist, or their child hood bully, or their father’s death, or that they didn’t get enough attention as a child, they say, “I’m this way because someone else did ____________ to me,” and so forth.

They refuse to let it all go, instead they cling to their core hurts and core wounds, and as a doctor who believes in the mind/body/spirit of medicine….I know they will never be better until they forgive and let go.

Sometimes we have to forgive our abuser, sometimes we have to forgive our parents…. After all they are just human beings too, not demi-Gods…. I know BREAKING NEWS!!!

Let Danny Gokey be a remarkable example of “Letting Go” and trusting Life/God, however you choose to see it.

Even after his elimination he said, “What affirms me as an artist is… [my fans] because week after week they voted…and that shows me they believe in me and that they see something inside of me,” Danny said. “I want to tell them I love them, and I think that they’re the best out there.” Danny continues, “I was a nobody, and this show turned me into a somebody, and I’ll always be thankful for the roots that I came out of because I do believe that the best is yet to come for me, that this is not the end of the road. I’m just very grateful. I’m so thankful my life has turned around, and I can’t say it enough.” (Source)

Today’s Question: What in your life do you need to let go of? Anger, hatred, bitterness, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, sadness? Are you tired of carrying around all that baggage? May is weight loss month and it is time for us to lose some weight. Let’s start with our own baggage.

Let’s be reminded by the strength of Danny Gokey that sometimes we just have to “let go.”

For more information on how Danny intends to use his gift for future fundraising endeavors visit: SophiasHeart.org.

If you are holding on to something and need to let go….find a rock and carry it around with you for a while, let the rock become the symbol of the thing that you need to let go of.

Squeeze the heat of your anger from your hands into it, cry your tears on it, let it rest on the place in your heart that hurts for a while, keep it in your pocket everywhere you go, or at least try to.

The attempt will remind you what a burden hanging on to this baggage from the past is.

Sleep with it under your pillow….and eventually realize that this rock is weighing you down….this rock needs to be let go. Then take some time down at a special place and throw that rock far into water.

Let go of the pain, let go of the past. Live in the present, don’t live in the past.

We cannot change the past, but we can change how the past affects us today.

Just don’t throw any suitcases in the ocean, or hit any birds or ducks on your therapeutic mission.

~Dr. Nicole

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Etiquette: Disease and Dating

No, no, no… this is not a nag about STD’s and dating today, people!

This is a guest post from my favorite Relationship Columnist, and dear friend, “Miss Matchmaker” herself.

She has worked as a social worker, therapist, and has been a professional Matchmaker for the largest Matchmaking company on the Gulf Coast for the past 13 years, and her advice is always spot on.

When I heard this story, I was baffled and asked her to share it at the kitchen table.

Frankly, your health condition is no one’s business but your own, and if you are privileged to be privy of someone’s health condition you should never gossip about it, nor scapegoat it.

Please respect confidentiality with the same professionalism that doctors, nurses and HCPs everywhere kindly maintain thanks to The Hippocratic Oath which I highly recommend everyone in need of a little inspiration reads. ~Dr. Nicole

“The Etiquette of Disease and Dating”

By Denise Paravate, Missmatchmaker

Disease is a very serious component in the life of anyone who must deal with it on a daily basis. We have doctors who dictate treatment and therapy, and sometimes there are people who step in to help with the emotional aspects of disease, but how often is there someone at your side explaining to you the social components of disease when it comes to dating?

Several months ago I was involved in a relationship in which I had kept my physical history private. I did so for several reasons. Number one, I don’t look sick. Number two, I didn’t want to scare him away. This being the most popular route for people in the same situation as myself, I felt it worthy of discussion.

After dating for 6 weeks and spending several nights under the same roof, the inevitable happened. We had been out with friends, and previous to our social engagement we had a bit of a tat, so to speak. After a few cocktails, he pipes up with “well at least I don’t have to drug myself down every night before bed.” In front of all of our mutual friends, I explained to him that I had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis as a child, Fibromyalgia in college, and Peri-Menopause at the age of 35.

I explained that my evening cocktail of medications helps me to function as a “normal” person and that I was the kid who saw Disney for the first time in a wheel chair. I then went on to explain that I may not be able to ever have another child and that without my hormone pills, I would be the psycho woman throwing chairs out windows between hot flashes as I attempt to stand up from my wheelchair (of which I would be in because I didn’t take my RA meds) and I didn’t think that was a person he would enjoy meeting.

Lesson learned, maybe I should have told him sooner. People have preconceived notions about medications and what “sick” really is. As a matchmaker, I preach to my clients to always be honest with their dates, but at what point is too much information just too much information…

When it comes to dating I believe that yes, honesty is the best way, but “TMI” (too much information) can sometimes scare the potential suitor away. So what is the best policy? From my own experiences I must say that it is probably best to keep things on a need to know basis. I don’t necessarily believe that it is something that should be shared on a first or second date. When it gets to the point where you are seeing someone on a regular basis and they are learning your daily routine, then it may be time to fill them in.

I don’t like the idea of keeping secrets and that is not what I am trying to imply. All I am saying is that if you live with chronic disease, life is hard enough and if you plan on sharing your life with someone, they have the right to know just how hard it is. I think now looking back that the best way to handle the situation would be to talk about it first and educate the other person about your particular issues.

Some people may be scared to do so because they would not want to discourage a blooming relationship, but understand that if you try to keep it a secret, chances are it will blow up in your face at some point later anyway. If that person chooses to not be with you because of the challenges you face, then that just means it was not the person for you and maybe it is best you move on.

Dating is hard enough. Disease is even harder. Combining the two can be a challenge!

~Denise Paravate

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Being Healed By Our Compulsions

By Mary O’Malley

Author of The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing and Belonging to Life: The Journey of Awakening

What would it be like if your compulsive behaviors were no longer problems that you need to get rid of?  What would it be like if they became doorways into the clarity, peace and joy you long for instead?  This is entirely possible.

It is possible not only to release yourself from your compulsive urges but also to become free from the core compulsion we all have, the compulsion to struggle with ourselves and with our lives.  And we are masters at it.  I love to say that we are like little old people endlessly trying to unravel a ball of yarn and all the while we are sitting in paradise.

Your compulsion, rather than being the enemy, can be a guide through the world of struggle and back into a deep and trust filled relationship with yourself and with your life!

It certainly happened for me that way and for many people I have worked with over the years.  How did that happen?  You may know my story about how I gained 97 pounds in a year and at the same time was washing a lot of that food down with alcohol and taking every kind of pill I could get my hands on.

I tried to stop drugging myself and tried every diet under the sun – only to have them all fail.  Was that because I was a weak willed ninny?  No!  They didn’t work because it is a law of the psyche that what you resist you empower!

But gradually I was taught how to be curious about what I was experiencing rather than always trying to control or change it.  And as I learned how to be curious about what was happening within me when I was compulsive, my compulsions calmed down.  For it is another law of the psyche that what you embrace ceases to have power over you.

So let’s take a good look at how we have been with our compulsions and recognize that it doesn’t work.  95% of all weight that is lost in the US is gained back plus some within a year and a half.  Why is that? Because what we resist we empower, and because how we try to control our compulsions doesn’t work – not in the long run.

There is another way to work with your compulsions, a way that takes you beyond struggle itself.  It is what my work and my book, The Gift of Our Compulsions is about.  And now I am going to do something that I have never done in these newsletters.  I am going to tell you about a CD set I just completed.

I haven’t ever done this because these letters are not about promotion.  But these CDs contain a truly life-changing message, a message I want you to hear so that you can move beyond the struggles inside yourself into the joy of truly being fully alive that is your birthright!  The CD set is from a workshop I did in DC last spring called, “Being Healed by Our Compulsions,” and it is a window into the incredibly healing experience of moving beyond our core compulsion to struggle with life by being present for what is showing up in our lives.

If it doesn’t call to you, that’s fine, but I invite you to at least contemplate the radical notion that your compulsions are a gift from life to wake you up out of struggle.  As Stephen Levine would say, “May you be so blessed to come across something you can’t control.”

Why would he say that?  Because control is an endless game of the mind, a game that you will never (thankfully) ever win, and because who you are is so much bigger than the game of control.   May we use our compulsions to take us beyond the struggling self so we can discover who we truly are, and in that discovery may our world be healed!

~Mary

The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing and Belonging to Life: The Journey of Awakening are both available through Amazon, and are highly recommended at the kitchen table.

Mary’s books are both endorsed by Eckhart Tolle who offered the phenomenally successful web class with Oprah on his book “A New Earth”. You can sign up for her monthly newsletters by going to the home page of her web site. Each month you will receive a letter containing insight and information on how to stay in touch with your peace and joy no matter what is happening in your life.

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New Year’s Resolution: Don’t Fall for the Monkey Trap

 By Bonnie Pfiester, Fitness Trainer

Moving on in many ways means saying goodbye. The problem is, goodbyes are often hard, even when the place we are headed may be a good place to be.

I don’t know why it is so hard to let go of the past, but it is. We prefer the “known” over the unknown I guess. Ironically, we often prefer the known even if the known is not a good place to be.

It may sound crazy, but I believe many of us don’t get to experience a lot of great things in life because we have such a strong grip on the past. This issue can also affect us when attempting to make New Year’s resolutions – especially when it comes to weight loss.

It reminds me the story of the monkey trap. The trap is basically a hollowed out coconut filled with rice. The coconut, which is chained to a stake, has a small hole in it just big enough for the monkey’s hand to go in but too small for his closed fist of rice to come out. Crazy as it seems, the monkey cannot see that freedom without rice is more valuable than being captured with it and is trapped.

Like the monkey, we are often scared of losing something, like a favorite food or a certain lifestyle. While pride may stand in the way for some, others hold on to excuses. Unfortunately, many people simply accept things the way they are as if there were no other choice. In essence, we are no different than the monkey – trapped by our own decisions.

Sometimes we need to take a closer look at what is standing in the way of our success.
What do we have such a tight grip on? What has kept us from making our New Year’s Resolutions stick last year or what prevented us from even making them to begin with? Whatever your answer is, this year is the year to let go so you can move on.

~Bonnie

Bonnie Pfiester is a Personal Trainer, wife to the famous fitness trainer Steve Pfiester of the reality TV show “Fat March”, and owner of the women’s health club Longevity Fitness.

You can enjoy more of Bonnie’s fitness and beauty articles at www.BonniePfiester.com or here at the kitchen table by visiting the Bonnie Pfiester page.

You are invited to leave your fitness and sports nutrition questions in the comments below for Bonnie to briefly answer or write about in future articles.

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10 Self Coaching Fundamentals

By Tim Brownson

Author of Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions

I was talking to somebody the other day about fluff. I’m not referring to the stuff that finds its way into your belly button, but book fluff or filler. I could easily distill several of the seminal self-development books into a few paragraphs if I was so inclined.

The thing is though, nobody spends $20 on one piece of mass produced paper no matter what words of wisdom are printed on it. So writers have to bulk their books out to deliver perceived value and get people to hand over their hard earned cash.

I’ve decided to unbulk the coaching process and invent a new word into the bargain. Here are ten tips that if you follow will guarantee an improvement in the quality of your life, or I’ll give you your money back.

#1 Align With Your Values

Unless you know what your core values are you will struggle with blocks in your life. All your decisions are based around your values and what you consider imperative to your life.

For example, if you have a number one value of integrity and work for a business that rips off its customers (even if you are not involved in the actual process) then you will feel uncomfortable either consciously or unconsciously.

There are also away from values, things that you move away from at all costs and again you should know what these are as they can frequently be the reason why you just can’t follow through with somethings no matter how hard you try.

#2 Happiness is Internal

Yeh, yeh, yeh, I know, it’s a cliché. I don’t care though because it’s true. Chase money, possessions, titles as much as you want, but realize that they wont bring you happiness. You already have that if you can be bothered to dig around and look for it. Being in complete alignment with your values will help you find happiness.

#3 Beliefs Aren’t Real

Your belief system is something that you’ve built up over your life. It comes from your parents, your friends, your colleagues and many other sources. It is evolving and changing all the time.

You probably believe in the tooth fairy, but somebody told me only last week, she really doesn’t exist. Disappointing though that is, especially as I have been stock piling my new puppies teeth for a big payday, we just have to accept reality and change the belief.

What false beliefs about your abilities are you holding onto that are holding you back? When you know they are, undermine them, look for counter examples and replace them with more empowering beliefs. After all, if you think you can, you probably can.

#4 The Map Is Not The Territory

This is a presupposition of NLP and critical to understanding and making changes. Just because you view something one way doesn’t make it so. Everybody has his or her own map and theirs is just as accurate as yours. Adopting that one belief will remove conflict from your life.

#5 Use Perceptual Positions

If in moments of introspection you can take a step back and view your life or any given situation from a watchers point of view you will often see things that you can’t see from your angle. It can also be useful to take the 2nd person position, which involves seeing you through the eyes of the person you are talking to or involved with. Most people resist this especially when coming under attack, be different.

#6 Write it Down

Whether it is goals or simply ideas you have on trying to improve your life put them on paper. The sheer act of writing something down sends a message to the unconscious mind that you are serious about what you are doing that it need to get to work on bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to go.

#7 Every Action has a Positive Intention

This is another NLP presupposition. Even when you do what sometimes seem like ridiculous things there is always a positive intent behind it. It may take some digging to get to it but it is there.

Taking smoking as an example. It can seem self-destructive and often smokers that want to quit will refuse to see the benefits, but they are there. By accepting that your actions are not there to harm you (even self-harm fits into this category) you are infinitely more likely to be able to make changes

#8 Model

If you are unsure how to do something copy somebody that is proficient. This is how children learn to speak and it is how we get good at something quickly. Too many people are frightened of asking for help because they think it makes them look weak. In my not so humble opinion, not asking for help makes you look stupid.

#9 Make Mistakes

Mistakes are feedback, they are nature’s way of telling us we need to adjust to take stock and reconsider. They do not mean we are failure as a person just that we failed at a task. Relish mistakes, hug them, caress them and thank them for dropping by because they are helping you to learn.

#10 Be Kind To Yourself

This is so important to get a handle on. There really is no need EVER to beat yourself up, be kind to yourself like you would a loved one. We all make mistakes, even the super successful make mistakes, try and learn from them and move on. Too many people seem to be great at beating themselves up and terrible at praising themselves. Give yourself some credit from time to time, you deserve it!

Tim Brownson is a UK qualified Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and certified Hypnotherapist and author of Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions.

He coaches both face-to-face in Orlando and over the telephone with clients all over the United States, Canada and ‘back home’ in the UK.

Subscribe to Tim’s free life coaching blog, and stop by his bookstore for more life coaching motivation.

Related Reading:

What is a Life Coach?
How to Quit Smoking
How to Transform Fear

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How are you Voting for your Health?

Call me old fashioned but I refuse to vote by absentee ballot. I just love Election Day, and to me there is something really special about driving to the same elementary school year after year and filling out my ballot alongside everyone else in my community. There is that certain spirit in the air. That friendly neighborhood free cookie and coffee hour that can’t quite be replicated anywhere else. “Does my vote really make a difference?” I always wonder to myself as I look around the crowded room.

It certainly does to me.

Election time is about much more than voting for the lesser of two evils, it is about taking the time to educate ourselves about the issues.

As I carefully went through my voter’s ballot one last time, I realized, “wow voting is just like making healthy decisions!” Voting can be simple, and voting can be tough. There is that clear section in your voter’s pamphlet that you quickly breeze through, and then there are those decisions that you still aren’t certain about after never ending research and reading. What does this issue even mean? Do I need to hire an attorney to translate this legal gibberish? You may be left even at the last minute to deliberate over what is right and what is wrong.

Whether my vote is actually counted or not, I am left that much more educated as I submit my passionately researched opinions on how this world should be –in to the giant garbage can er…ballot counter.

We are truly blessed in our country to at least be given choices, even if they aren’t the best choices, they nevertheless are still choices. The freedom of choice is what makes America the amazing country that it is. Your choice may not always make the difference in America, but it does make a difference in you.

One thing that always ticks me off year after election year though is the blanket statement “everyone should vote.”

Do you really think everyone should vote? Sometimes I think that people should be forced to take a basic test on the issues and pass it before they can vote. Now I am not saying this to offend people that can’t read. Really, you shouldn’t have to even know how to read in order to vote, illiterate people can and should still be allowed to vote—as long as they are educated on what they are voting about!

What happens when we don’t educate ourselves on the issues and just go blindly vote? Does the thought of hundreds of thousands of uneducated voters making decisions about our government terrify anyone else?

One uneducated vote is actually enough to throw off an entire election.

In this year’s presidential election the “vote was rocked” by all the previously apathetic people that never really cared enough to go out and vote. That is what made the difference. That is what got the underdog in to office. That is what has created a great deal of hope that, “change is coming”, “that race is not an issue”, “that the average person can be president” (well George W. already demonstrated that) and that MLKJ’s dream that “people are not judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character,” has alas come true. At least the majority of the American population is now looking at character and not color. We are progressing!

The votes of the previously apathetic are what has made American history. In all reality that is more amazing than the first African American being elected to office. Apathy is a far bigger problem than prejudice these days. Of course there are still and will always still be ignorance around race, but we have an entire Generation of “X”ers that don’t care about anything except video games and Sex in the City. Young people everywhere are starting to take pride in their country, starting to see that “this is MY country too.” People in Seattle have been dancing in the streets, making eye contact, and some strangers have even been caught making polite small talk despite the start of the nine month rainy season.

Regardless of your party preferences, I think we can all agree that the choice to vote is a right that many Americans take for granted. You shouldn’t just go blindly vote, it is important to educate yourself on the issues at hand, the pros, the cons, and then to support things moving in a positive direction.

Every day, everywhere you go, you are given a choice. You are given an opportunity to vote for your health. Sometimes the choices aren’t that great like “do you want fries with that?” or “diet coke or regular coke” or “pumpkin pie vs mince meat pie” and “sugar or something made from sugar?” But nevertheless they are choices that we should still attempt to think about.

Is Barack Obama right? Is change really coming? Only you can decide.

It’s the synergy of these little daily choices that build us up; or stack up as obstacles in our path.

In naturopathic medicine one of our main nature cure healing principles is to “remove the obstacles to cure”. The body wants to heal. The body wants to repair. It is the intrinsic nature of the body to constantly heal and repair, but the body also requires the right tools, the foundation has to be properly set, and obstacles must be removed from the path of “The Healing Power of Nature” or “The Vis Medicatrix Naturae” or “The Vis” as most naturopaths fondly refer to it. “The Vis is strong in this one,” you can go around joking to all your healthy friends if you want to be nerdy like me.

Obstacles to healing typically come from our unhealthy diet and lifestyle choices. All the white refined food garbage we eat, stagnation, negative thinking, unhealthy relationships, drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc, etc…nag, nag, nag…these are all the roadblocks to healing.

Sometimes the right choices are crystal clear. Everyone knows drugs are bad. Everyone knows smoking kills. Everyone knows 1-2 glasses of wine a day not the whole bottle, right? But when it comes to our diet things can be a bit trickier. We usually are left picking between what appears to be the lesser of two evils. So what would you vote for:

High Fructose Corn Syrup or Aspartame?

Wow!!! Did I really just vote for High Fructose Corn Syrup? Well, I was left no choice when it went head to head with aspartame. *sigh*

Which is the lesser of the two evils? High fructose corn syrup as noted in Dr. Scott Olson’s amazing book about sugar addiction, “Sugarettes” is linked to obesity, diabetes, aging to our arteries, and hypoglycemia. Whereas aspartame, is guilty of causing a “cephalic response” which leads to obesity and weight gain. In the cephalic response the brain is tricked by the sweet taste of aspartame and then tells the pancreas to secrete insulin, despite normal levels of glucose. This insulin dump causes low blood sugar or “hypoglycemia” which makes you hungry, and ultimately leads to being overweight.

Is aspartame not the biggest joke in health “care”? The man made garbage you are drinking to lose weight is making you fat? Yikes the issues can be deceiving, and just like in politics, the government refuses to acknowledge this conundrum, while both the FDA and American Diabetic Association also refuse to acknowledge that sugar causes diabetes (type II) and weight gain. (Source: OlsonND)

Yet another reason that politics mirror health care—you don’t always agree with the government!

Do you trust the government? Do you believe every single bit they tell you? Whether you do or you don’t the correct answer is “you shouldn’t always.” The government has to keep prison and school caffeteria programs funded so the average American best not base their “optimal daily allowance” off what the government says. I think the RDA should be called the MDA for “Minimal Daily Allowance”. The government also only cares about the collective and not the individual. There is no “NDA” (Nicole’s Daily Allowance).

So—now that you have been educated on aspartame vs high fructose corn syrup, do you still want to vote for aspartame? My guess is “no” if you are trying to use aspartame as a weight loss aid.

“Well Dr. Nicole, sugar makes people fat too, and high fructose corn syrup is converted by the liver to fat–all biochemists know that fructose is typically converted in the liver to fat,” you may argue.

Which I would then deliberate back that aspartame has MORE consumer related complaints than any other man made substance we consume. Frankly I don’t even have all day to rattle off the ever-growing list of skin rashes, autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia, arthritis, cancer, mood disorders, so forth and so on that consumers are reporting to the FDA. Thus I am left to make an ugly vote for high fructose corn syrup.

Rarely in health just like in politics, are we ever given a win-win situation to deliberate over like “soup or salad?” You can’t fail on that choice, unless the soup is a rich fatty cream base with chunks of sausage, or the salad is a lifeless sad case of iceberg lettuce and Thousand Island dressing.

My point with this rambling about voting for our health is that every single day, every place you go you are given the power of choice. Exercise that power with extreme privilege. Educate yourself on the issues. Read one new health tip every single day. Create a new whole foods recipe each day. Our day to day choices do in fact have influence not just on us but on our environment and those around us.

We live in a country where we have the constitutional right to choices, and many of us are not exercising these rights when it comes to our health. It may initially be overwhelming to think about all the diet choices we have to make, but in the end it all boils down to the same thing whether you are voting for a candidate or voting for your health—education. Educate yourself on the issues and then make your decisions based off your values, based off what works for YOU.

The more you educate yourself on the things you choose to put in your body the healthier you will inevitably become. We truly “are what we eat,” and the tritest expression in nutrition should be the motivator behind all your health decisions. What are your values? Who do you really really really want to be? Fat or thin? Healthy or unhealthy? Organic or Polluted? Positive or negative? Fit or fat? Selfish or contributory? Environmental or Apathetic? Believer or Non-believer? Who do you want to be?

You are invited to decide that today.

If you want to prevent disease, if you want to be healthy, if you want to teach your children by example; if you want to be that positive person and most importantly if you want to inspire the people around you by the choices you make—the bigger “votes” although initially tough—become that much simpler.

Hmmm…that gym membership is suddenly worth it, that home cooked meal at the kitchen table is suddenly worth the extra effort rather than just another night of drive through dining. Reading your child a book before bed suddenly becomes a million times more special than drinking a fat glass of wine in front of the television. Maybe that extra 20 cents for that organic apple really isn’t that bad after all when we decided to vote with our consumer dollars against pesticides being allowed to poison our environment and our children, and our children’s environment. Your consumer dollars are always voting too.

It all boils down to living by your values.

What is it that you really value? Life coach and author, Tim Brownson is constantly nagging me…er…um…I mean… he is always INSPIRING me to consider my values, and some of the healthy or environmental things I have previously been in a naturopathic rebellion against have more easily slid into place.

Anyone that has been chronically ill—that has been so sick that they have seen death’s door and made it back again knows the value of their health. If you have visited death’s door you do not take your health for granted. You realize you were given a second chance, you were given life. You choose life and you choose everything that supports the existence of your life. Unfortunately those of us that have not been forced to pay that visit to death’s door, have no clue what the true value is in our health. We may never fully understand until it is too late.

As a result, our health is always a value that will get cast aside with apathy. And apathy is the biggest war we have to wage for this century.

Whether you are traveling, visiting a friend, dining out, or eating at your kitchen table–you are always given choices. Get political, vote for the lesser of the two evils. Use your money as your ballots. That is exactly what keeps us always moving in a healthier direction. That is how we save the environment and ourselves. That is how we prevent disease. One day at a time, one choice at a time.

One healthy vote at a time.

Ha- you thought Election Day was over now did you? Sorry I can’t let you off the hook that easy, voting season has just begun. Now get out there and make your votes count!

“Progress not perfection.”

Thanks for stopping by my kitchen table.

~Dr. Nicole Sundene

Related Reading: 45 Years to American Health Care

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How to Transform Fear

By Mary O’malley

Author of The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing and Belonging to Life: The Journey of Awakening

In his first inaugural speech in 1933, Franklin Roosevelt said “…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself…”

This was a profound thing to say given the economic climate of that time and was intended to shake people out of their focus on their material losses.

But what if that is not actually true? What if we don’t need to fear fear. In fact, what would our lives look like if the voice of fear inside of us couldn’t catch us in its web?

This is certainly a time on our planet in which fear is up big time – financial fears, terrorist fears, fear for the future. But what would happen if, rather than being seduced by fear, we could frame this time differently?

Rather than seeing it as a time of breakdown, we could see it as a time of break-through.

Yes, it certainly looks as though things are breaking down, but that is true of all breakthroughs. Think of a woman giving birth. It is challenging and it is messy and it is necessary for her body to contract in order for the baby to be born. What would it feel like to see what is happening on this planet as a time of birth, of going through the contraction of the birth passage so that we can emerge into a more aware level of consciousness?

The key to this birth is a different relationship with fear itself.

Let us go back to the butterfly story we explored last year because it holds the keys to the evolutionary shift we are currently undergoing. For our purposes, the caterpillar represents the old level of consciousness this planet has been living in which is based in fear and reaction.

The caterpillar is, for its size, one of the most destructive beings on our planet, and if you recognize that human beings in the last century killed over 100 million of their fellow human beings in the name of war, it is reasonable to say that we have been in our caterpillar phase.

As the caterpillar’s time comes to an end, it creates a cocoon, and in its dark embrace, the caterpillar turns into goo. Out of that goo comes a wave of what they call imaginal cells – the first appearance of the butterfly. The amazing thing is that the goo kills this first wave of cells! In other words, the old tries to kill the new. Such chaos! And if we looked at all the great evolutionary shifts on this planet, we would see that there is always chaos as the old phase is dying out and the new is being born.

This chaos of the goo killing the new cells of the butterfly causes these imaginal cells to come together into communities that begin to differentiate into the butterfly. This is the place where breakdown (the caterpillar turning into goo) becomes the breakthrough into the new expression of life called a butterfly. The butterfly is life transforming itself as it has done billions upon billions of times as evolution has progressed on this planet. The butterfly is a completely different kind of being than the caterpillar. Rather than being destructive, this new being gives to the world, both beauty and pollination.

I believe that the butterfly of human consciousness is being born – a much wiser, more loving consciousness – and fear is the birth contraction. We are in the “goo phase” where our fear-based perspective on the world is now coming to an end, and more of us are beginning to see the possibility of living from a level of consciousness that is as transformative as the shift from caterpillar to butterfly. This level of consciousness doesn’t divide us like fear does.

Instead it unites.

And at its core it deeply trusts life, so rather than living through fear and all of its reactions (that cause so much devastation on this planet), it lives from wisdom and heart. This allows us to live from the level of consciousness that recognizes we are all in this together and each person is a necessary and integral part of the human family that we are.

You are the place where this evolutionary shift is happening – right there inside of your own mind and heart. Life is asking you to relate to fear rather than believing what it is saying. It is asking you to move from “I am afraid!” to “That is the voice of fear inside of me.”

What would it be like in your life if every time you noticed fear showing up in your mind, you took a breath and came back fully to life right here, right now and said, “I choose to trust life.”

Is this a lot to ask our fear based consciousness? Yes! But fearing life comes from a misunderstanding of life. And trusting life comes from the truth. Life is in charge of life and it is much smarter than our little egos. It has created stars and planets and galaxies and waterfalls and ladybugs and you and me from light, of all things!

To trust life is to step off the cliff of fear and, rather than falling to our death, discover that it is our nature to fly!

~Mary

The Gift of Our Compulsions: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Acceptance and Healing and Belonging to Life: The Journey of Awakening are both available through Amazon, and are highly recommended at the kitchen table.

Mary O’Malley, author of “Belonging to Life” and “The Gift of Our Compulsions”, is offering a retreat February 21st – 27th on the beautiful Hawaiian Island of Molokai.

For our readers she is offering a $200 discount on this nourishing retreat that restores your joy, your trust in yourself, and your connection with life. Visit MaryOmalley.com for more information on Mary, and visit the following link for more information on the Hawaiian retreat Waking Up in Paradise Residential Retreat in Hawaii.

Mary’s books are both endorsed by Eckhart Tolle who offered the phenomenally successful web class with Oprah on his book “A New Earth”. You can sign up for her monthly newsletters by going to the home page of her web site. Each month you will receive a letter containing insight and information on how to stay in touch with your peace and joy no matter what is happening in your life.

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Stress is For Suckers: Free Book!

My favorite Life Coach, Tim Brownson has done it again!

His new ebook “Stress is for Suckers” is out– and as a gift to my Kitchen Table readers you are all welcome to access a free copy for the next week! Be sure to get it while it’s hot.

Stress is THE most important lifestyle factor to get a grip on above anything else, and Brownson does a thorough job breaking down and simplifying all the best life coaching tactics for busy people coping with a stressful lifestyle.

Simply visit Tim’s online bookstore and enter the coupon code KITCHENSTRESS to grab your free copy for this limited time period.

Happy Stress Busting Everyone!

~Dr. Nicole

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How to Quit Smoking

By Life Coach, Tim Brownson

As a certified hypnotherapist people sometimes call me for help with quitting smoking. The first question I ask them is why they want to stop? That usually generates a look of horror akin to if I’d asked them if they could marry their 13-year-old daughter have a goat as the Maid of Honor and Michael Jackson as my best man.

However, there is a positive intention behind every action you commit even if sometimes it isn’t immediately apparent. That applies to smoking too.

Until you accept that there is an upside to the habit that you’d like to break then you will struggle with breaking it because you are in conflict with your unconscious mind (and your unconscious mind will always win that particular battle). After all, if there really were no upside you wouldn’t do it.

Firstly, you have to want to change. By that I mean it’s not usually enough to want to want to, you need to actually want to. Make sense? What do you mean “Not really sure?” Ok, seeing as it’s you and you’re having a tough day I’ll explain in a bit more detail.

You may well want to give up because you know it’s healthier not to smoke, it’s expensive and makes you feel like a social pariah. That is wanting to want to. A real desire to stop is a different proposition altogether and most people know it when they feel it. You don’t have to justify it to yourself with you just know you want to quit.

Most ex-smokers will tell you that they positively knew when they had made the decision to quit for good. They’ll also often tell you that it felt great and they just knew they would never smoke again,

When you know you want to definitely quit, you then need to look at the ecology of quitting. Will you have to avoid certain places for the short-term? Are there other family members or close friends that smoke that need to understand you’re quitting? If they’re not supportive and will try and tempt you to the dark side, can you actually just avoid them completely?

Don’t underestimate the importance of being aware of the ecology. This is something that people frequently fail to take into account. As a result they fail and don’t really know why.

Now look for the REAL reason you want to quit. Good health isn’t enough. Why do you want that good health? Dig deep with this one. We’re into the realms of values now and we want to get to the core of who you are as a person and what really motivates and drives you.

The greater the motivation, the better the chance of success, so really tap into what you want to achieve in your life and keep this in the forefront of your mind because it’s why you’re going through this.

Now you’re ready to set a date between 2 and 4 weeks away for your new behavior to start. Times of year that you may associate with smoking like New Years and vacations (unless you’re off on a Buddhist retreat) are usually less than ideal. Write the date down in your planner and stick to it.

Tell everybody and anybody that means anything o you what you are planning to do. If you have kids of an age that can understand, make a promise to them too. Then tell the rest of the world too. When I did something similar with all sorts of stuff from alcohol to red meat, I blogged about it.

Start using positive language. You’re not trying to quit, you have quit. Dump the word try because it implies failure.

Make a list of what you have to gain from quitting and post it where you see it everyday. Look past the obvious things like health and money. Do you want an improved sense of taste and smell and more energy? How about being able to relax after a great meal rather than huddling outside in the rain just so you can have a cigarette? What others can you think of?

Now make a list of what you have to lose if you fail. Promise that you will read it whenever you feel the urge to backslide. Again, don’t limit this to death and poverty because there’s a lot more to go at than that.

The really crucial part of all this is to move yourself to a state where you no longer see yourself as a smoker. You remove it from your identity completely.

Visualize yourself every night and first thing in the morning as the person that you want to be. Do this before you even start the change process. See what you will look like. Hear what you will sound like and feel what you will feel like. Really take time to savoir the new you! Play about with the picture and sounds in your head and make them as appealing as possible to you.

Importantly with the visualization, see yourself dealing with and overcoming temptation with ease and confidence and know that is a behavior available to you.

Optional extra. If you have the stomach for this, a really powerful thing to do is research the effects of smoking on health. With the Internet it’s not difficult to do and you can be looking at pictures of the gruesome effects smoking can have on the human body in no time at all.

If you succumb, use it as a learning experience and not an excuse to beat yourself up. Look at what caused the brief set back and start again even more determined to be the person you want to be!

The above strategy can undoubtedly help you quit smoking. However, if you can use it conjunction with hypnotherapy and you are committed to quitting, then I think the odds are stacked heavily in your favor. You may also want to check out the NLP technique developed by Richard Bandler called ‘The Swish Pattern’ which can be very powerful.

Tim Brownson is a life coach and the author of the fabulous little book of questions “Don’t ask Stupid Questions”.

Feel free to subscribe to his newsletter, grab a copy of his book, or check in for more life coaching tips at aDaringAdventure.com.

To learn more about Tim and his life coaching techniques you may also read an interview at the kitchen table “What is a Life Coach?”. If you are a health professional and would like to be interviewed at the kitchen table, simply contact us.

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